Manflesh Madness

I don't know why this is funny.... but it is.

You Know Your DM is Ex-Military When.....

1. The orc hordes you encounter have sergeants and medics.
2. Healing potions also restore tattoos.
3. Your Horse won't run until you do a full safety inspection.
4. The dungeons are patrolled by MP's that keep asking 'Who started this fight?'
5. If you don't state that your character is performing scheduled weapons and armor maintenance after each combat, they rust to powder in about a day.
6. Elves give directions with using mils rather than degrees or directions.'
7. You learn to retreat from any monster with a "Who Dares Win" tattoo.
8. The curses attached to some treasures include KP Duty and Full Kit Inspection.
9. You can't stop for a night without submitting a complete "stag-list" for the characters in camp.
10. New players joining after the adventure starts show up with Transfer Orders.
11. The kingdom has a number of trolls, minotaurs and giants caged in silos on the border. The thread of MAD (Monster Assured Destruction) seems to keep the peace.
12. No matter what sort of area you adventure in, or what background culture dwells there, or what the dominant race of the surroundings is, every town, keep, village, city or fish camp you enter has at least one bar, two brothels, three pawn shops, a tattoo parlor and a barber shop.
13. The Healing Cleric always makes you wait for two hours before trying to send you away with a pair of toadstools and forced fluids.
14. After the goblins pass by, all the dungeons have a fresh coat of paint
15. A mysterious figure, the Arseesem, appears every time you make a mistake. Don't make mistakes. Just don't.
16. Saying 'we tie him up' always starts a 20 minute discussion of knots, with 4 skill rolls.
17. Guard Dogs are not just hit points that bark...they're chain saws with fur.
18. If captured by the monsters, your character always gets put to work digging latrines. Even if held by ethereal beings that don't use them.
19. Magic Users have to account for every ounce of equipment or supplies they carry, in careful attention to the rules for burdens. Blooded warriors can put 'One Piano' on their character sheet and it's just assumed they can 'handle the load.'
20. Every advancement to a new class level involves a trip to a tattoo parlor. 

If anyone knows who originally came up with this, please drop me a line so that I can properly attribute it. I found it on my PC and have no idea who wrote it. It certainly wasn't me. I do remember modifying some of the entries so that they related more to the British military experience though.

Review: Vinyl Maps from Signs on the Cheap

First, the disclaimer: SignsontheCheap.com approached me a week or two ago with the offer of creating a free vinyl map or similar gaming related item in return for a placing a review on my blogs. However, there was nothing in the deal that suggested this had to be a positive review.

But it's going to be pretty damn positive anyway. Just take a look at this:

Although I never thought to include anything for scale, what you're looking at here is a 3 high vinyl map of the Empire and Kislev from the Warhammer World. Despite the quite considerable magnification to go from the original image here:

...to the image printed on the vinyl, all the place names, rivers, mountains and other terrain features are clearly discernible and readable, with only minimal blurring. Someone more pedantic than myself might consider tidying up the place names with a permanent marker but there's really no need. The map is entirely readable even in quite dim light and frankly, looks pretty damn amazing too.

You'll notice that the image printed here is slightly truncated north-south when compared to the original image. That's because the guys at Signs on the Cheap noticed that the original file I downloaded from the web-site was corrupt, and had a band of randomly coloured pixels just south of where my map ends (you can see it on the original image if you look closely). They kindly suggested a number of options and we eventually decided simply to end the map just before the corrupt segment.

Delivery was extremely fast and proofs were emailed promptly only a day after I sent the map image. Anyone considering such a campaign map should certainly give signsonthecheap.com a good look.

I'm even considering trying to commission a proper vinyl battle-mat or two just to see how they turn out. I have a lot of old Classic Battletech hex-maps that I'd particularly like to see reproduced on a material considerably more durable than paper or cardboard. Watch this space and I'll let you know how I get on.

Age of Anarchy: War of the Roses Campaign.

After a few hiccups getting started, the War of the Roses campaign begins tomorrow. Using the OSRIC rules, the adventurers will attempt to acquire fame, plunder and status in the wild-lands left ungoverned by the deaths of mighty lords and now-plagued by creatures of the Wild-wood.

"It's dark. Damp air envelops you like a cloak, old, stagnant water soaks your ragged, torn clothing. Your ears hear the faint rustle of rats moving through the rank straw and the not-infrequent screams of your fellow prisoners. For what purpose are you held here? Indeed, how did you come here? Of how your present state of being came to pass, you know nothing. Not even the identity of your captors...."

BATTLETECH RPG-LITE: THE FOXHOUNDS

One of the guys over at my local group decided to run a Battletech campaign. Given that so many players were interested, he decided that instead of giving us a lance each, he'd divide us into two mercenary lances, with each players controlling just a single pilot. Over time, as we earn more cash for the war-chest, we'll be able to recruit other pilots and mechs but, at least to begin with, we're just one pilot each. 

Playing Battletech as an RPG-lite wargame will be a brand new experience for me, although Battletech campaigns that use this format seem to be quite common (Paint it Pink is running one right now). As you can tell, I'm quite excited. At the moment, both lances are on Galatea in the year 3025. Dougal (the DM) is running us through training scenario's at the moment, with the best performer from each lance getting first pick of the available Mechs.

All the Pilot Profile Images were whipped up by William, one of the players, based on character art and profiles submitted by the pilot's player.

Here's my Lance:

 "The Fox Hounds".

 So far the Fox Hounds have performed well in the training scenarios. Notable, they completed the Reconnaissance scenario against a Heavy Mech Lance without firing a single shot and losing only a single ton of armor between them. Two members of the lance counted coup of enemy Mechwarriors during the scenario and all four proceeded to leave the training area in style (walking backwards) despite being under fire.

RANGER:

Played by Craig. Zachary Fox served for over two decades in the House Davion Military before being badly wounded in a training exercise where a captured Zeus was erroneously loaded with live autocannon rounds. Having had more than half of his body replaced with bionics, Fox was medically discharged due to his wounds. Unwilling to give up the only life he has ever known, he has traveled to Galatea to find work in a new Mercenary Unit and to train his new body in the skills required of a Mechwarrior.

Skills:

Gunnery: 4

Piloting:5

Training History:

Ranger has completed 2 of the four designated training missions, participating in a close range city fight simulation in Scenario 1 and completing a an efficient reconnaissance in Scenario 2. 

[*] Moonwalked out of the training area while under fire upon completion of Scenario 2. Counted Coup on an enemy Mech. Did not fire a shot.

SCARLETT:

Played by moi, Lishka is a former Agromech pilot from Gunzberg in the Draconis Combine. As both as woman and a farm-hand, she was repeatedly refused entry to Combine Mechwarrior gymnasiums. Determined to become a Mechwarrior, she sold her farm, home, agrimech and livestock to purchase passage and training at Galatea, the Mercenary Star.

Lishka  is surprisingly well-educated, given her home-schooling, and (even more surprisingly, given her clipped, Raslahague accent) possesses a singing voice trained to many styles and disciplines. She has used her funds to acquire an elegant -if revealing- wardrobe, her one extravagance, the rest of her fortune having been dedicated to the pursuit of her new profession. Deadly serious despite her fondness for clothing other female Mechwarriors would consider "frivolous" she is as cold and calculating in the cockpit of a mech as she is brash and brazen outside it.

Skills: 

Gunnery: 4

Piloting: 6

Training History:

Scarlett has completed 2 of the four designated training missions, participating in a close range city fight simulation in Scenario 1 and completing a an efficient reconnaissance in Scenario 2. 

[*]Personally destroyed a Whitworth while piloting an Enforcer in the City Fight Scenario.

[*]Scanned three out of four enemy Mechs in the Recon scenario without firing a shot Cicada, Griffon and Banshee). Counted coup on one opponent piloting a Cicada by tapping it under the chin and proceeding to moonwalk out of the training area. Total damage sustained: lost a 1/2 ton of armor on the right arm. Did not fire a shot.

DOMINO:

Played by Ken. Formerly of the 3rd Oriente Hussars, a young graduate from the Allison Mechwarrior Institute.  After being hounded out of her unit by a senior officer, Domino elected to follow in her fathers footsteps by becoming a mercenary. Her brother, with whom she has an unpleasant relationship at best, continues to serve in the Mark military as an Aerospace Pilot.

Skills:

Gunnery 4 

Piloting 6.

  

Training History:

Domino has completed 2 of the four designated training missions, participating in a close range city fight simulation in Scenario 1 and completing a an efficient reconnaissance in Scenario 2.

[*] Moonwalked out of the training area while under fire upon completion of scenario 2. Did not fire a shot.

VICK:

Played by George. Foa has revealed little of his past, save that he comes from a periphery world. Given his Viking-like styles of dress, speech and mannerisms, certain of his colleagues believe he originally belonged to a band of Periphery Pirates. Foa, characteristically, is silent on the matter.

Skills:

Gunnery: 4

Piloting: 6

Training History:

Vick has completed 2 of the four designated training missions, participating in a close range city fight simulation in Scenario 1 and completing a an efficient reconnaissance in Scenario 2

 [*] Moonwalked out of the training area while under fire upon completion of scenario 2. Did not fire a shot.

 NEXT: The rival Merc Lance, "The Steel Legion".

OSRIC: Religion, Morality and Alignment

One thing's for certain, I really need to find a new name for my War of the Roses OSRIC campaign. Something a little catchier. OSRIC: Age of Anarchy, perhaps. What do you guys think?

Anyway, one of the (slightly) different things about this campaign is the way I'm treating alignment. Rather than doing away with the concept altogether, except for extremes of good and evil (as I often do) alignment with be replaced by moral codes and religions. This is still a work in progress at the moment, but the options at present are:





Religious Alignment Choices:

• Medieval Catholicism
• Medieval Islam
• Medieval Druidism/Paganism
• Medieval Judaism
• Medieval Orthodox
• Servant of the Dark One (NPC Only)

 The religion based alignments are the most nebulous of all in a very real sense. For example, most of the major religions have a variant on "though shall not kill". As mentioned in a previous post though, Catholics believe that only humans have souls, so this rule only counts towards killing humans. That being said, for a Catholic it's perfectly acceptable to kill a human if he (or she) is a non-christian, or if you're a member of the knightly and noble caste (because god has ordained that you are born into a role that requires killing) and have a fairly good reason for doing so.

So, these five choices aren't quite the straight-jacket they might first appear to be.

Then we have the (sometimes) more restrictive, properly fixed moral codes:

Rashi, perhaps the best known medieval Rabbi and Scholar

Moral Alignment Choices:

• Athiest/Agnostic
• Chivalric Code
• Humanist
•  Irreligious
• Secular Devotion

The Humanist and Chivalric moral codes are perhaps the most tightly restrictive in a sense that they have fairly well defined limits. Like everything else, of course, there are loopholes to exploit, but the Chivalric code especially is fairly well defined. The irreligious and atheist/agnostic alignments give the greatest freedom of action of all, perhaps equivalent to true-neutral in the traditional D&D alignment spectrum. Basically, such people are limited in their actions only by the actions and the beliefs of the authorities around them.

Lastly, we have Secular Devotion, which implies an utter adherence to an NPC secular authority such as the King, a Duke or Earl or even simply a friend or loved one. The limitation here is that the character won't do anything to act against the interests of the object of his devotion, but at the same time the character would be reluctant to disobey any instructions from this same NPC, regardless of how abhorrent. Most of the lower-end bad-guy NPC's in this game will have this alignment, which is very similar to lawful neutral in many respects.

Finally, we have good and evil

Salahadin: A great example for Islamic Paladin characters

Good and Evil:
Good and Evil, Law and Chaos no longer exist in an alignment sense, but they do still have a place in the game world. Generally, for a creature of being to be affected by such as a spell, they must have a history of routinely acting in a certain way. For example, angels and demons are always affected by spells that affect good and evil creatures respectively. A knightly character who consistently acts to uphold the law and maintain stability in the land (regardless of his actual alignment) would be affected by spells such as Protection from Law. A robber-knight on the other hand (or one notorious for changing sides during the Wars) would be affected by Protection from Chaos and so on.

Alignment and Clerics:

Clerics, strictly speaking, can be of any alignment, not just the alignment of their religion. However, if they wish to retain their spell casting abilities, they had better ensure that their actions remain consistent with the tenants of the religion they represent. Thus, a Catholic cleric might have the Secular Devotion alignment, and be devoted to the service of his brother, an NPC Lord. He might politic and preach on his brothers behalf without effect, but if he arranges the assassination of his brother's enemies, he can kiss those clerical abilities of his good-bye.

This helps to explain why so many priests in the historical time period (and setting) can act contrary to the interests of their religion and still remain priests. In a gaming sense, the ones that manage to obey the tenants of their religion can perform minor miracles. The ones who betray their religious beliefs in favour of more secular or personal concerns, lose their powers. Often very early in their clerical careers. The few who manage to exist in the secular world and remain true to their faith are essentially minor miracle workers, moving to become widely recognised as living saints (or prophets) at higher levels.

Pope John XXIII. A fine example of a priest who most definitely would have lost his cleric powers in this setting.

 All these concepts are just skeletons at the moment, in need of a great deal of fleshing out. But that's where the alignment system remains at the moment.

WoTR/ToEE Campaign: 17 Things You Need to Know

17 things my players will need to know before the start of the new campaign:

Choosing Sides: White Rose of York or Red of Lancaster?

Setting

Recent History:

• In 1455, under pressure from the Pope (who had threatened to excommunicate the whole of England), Richard, Duke of York, leads fully half of England's nobility in revolt against the Lancastrian King, Henry VI. A weak and insipid ruler, Henry had allowed himself to fall under the sway of dark magicians and demonologists.

• In 1471, the Yorkist faction finally put an end to the Wars. The Yorkists (fighting under the banner of the White Rose) defeat the Lancastrians and their demonic allies at the Battle of Tewkesbury. Following the battle, the Earl of Angstford and his family, stout Lancastrians and fearsome demonologists, have their lands and titles placed under attainder, (confiscated), by the Yorkist King Edward IV. They flee in various directions: to France, Burgundy and Ireland.

Henry VI, executed soon after Tewkesbury

 Current Situation:

• The current year is 1481. Edward IV still rules England.
• With the great mass of English chivalry dead on the Bloody Meadow of  Tewkesbury or in exile abroad, much of the country remains ungoverned and lawless. Many heirs are still too young to inherit their lands. Other lords and knights still retain their lands but live in Exile. Brigandage is common. The monstrous creatures forced into the Wildwoods by the campaigns of Arthur and St George are now once again venturing forth into the settled lands of England.
• The seat of the Earl of Angstford remains vacant, a tasty morsel dangled before the nose of several important noblemen of dubious loyalty as a means of ensuring their good behaviour. The few castles and manor houses within the limes (territory) of the Earldom which are not razed or ruined, are held by Flemish mercenaries in the service of the King.
• Women are expected to marry and raise children or take vows as a Nun. HOWEVER, female mercenaries and adventurers are actually quite common in this period, but are viewed as abominations by most "right-thinking" folk.
• Some new items not normally found in the OSRIC rules are available, but are well beyond the means of most starting players. These include: Arquebus/Hackbutts (primitive handguns), Field Plate Armour, Full Plate Armour (better versions of Plate Mail) and Brigandine Armour (actually quite common, I'll probably post the rules for these)

Religion:

• According to the Catholic church, only humans have souls (and possibly Half-Elves and Troll-bloods, but the church isn't sure about that).  Killing animals or members of any other race is NOT considered an act of murder by Catholics. Muslims and Jews believe that Dwarves also have souls. The Muslim and Jewish religions have not had sufficient contact with Elves, Half-Elves and Half-Orcs to have formed an opinion regarding the status of these beings one-way-or-another.

Geography:

• The campaign will be set in the fictional English Earldom of Angstford. Although there are road and other physical connections to the rest of England, the territory  of the Earldom represents the physical limits of the campaign sandbox. In theory, your characters can leave at any time. In practise, please don't.

Edward IV, Yorkist King of England

Game Information:

•  Races: Player Characters may be Shidhe (Elves), Changelings (Half-Elfs), Dwarves, Humans or Troll-Bloods (Half-Orcs descended from Fomorians). There will be no gnomes or halflings in this setting.
• Class and Level Limits: Unlike the previous game, humans will not be able to multi-class. Non humans may multi-class as normal but be aware that maximum levels for non-humans apply in this setting with the following exceptions: Dwarves and Trollbloods may advance to any level as a fighter or Barbarian. Elves may advance to any level as a Magic-User or Illusionist. Changelings may advance to any level as a Houri, Thief or Ranger.
• PC Clerics may follow one of three religions: Catholicism, Islam or Judaism and may be of any alignment. However, Clerics must always act within the bounds of their religion. Carrying out actions forbidden to their religion (for example: theft, sexual intercourse or murder for a   Catholic Cleric) will result in the character losing their spellcasting abilities. Only NPC Clerics may be followers of the evil deity known by various names such as the Dark One, Satan etc. PC Clerics ALWAYS turn undead (rather than control them) regardless of their alignment. Clerics of the Dark One always control undead.
• All Clerics are Priests of their religion. However, not all Priests are Clerics. Clerics are essentially proto-saints at low-levels and actual, living saints, prophets or the equivalent by higher levels. Spell-casting priests (i.e Clerics) are said to possess Grace, as in the "Grace of God". Perhaps one Priest in ten in so blessed.
• Druids are, well, druids or witches. They are often mistaken for servants of the Dark One and burned at the stake.
• Wizards and Illusionists are, likewise, often mistaken for servants of the Dark One and burned at the stake. Most pretend to be "astrologers", "sages," "natural philosphers" and the like.
• Elves may not be Clerics. They may be Druids instead.
• Paladins do not belong to an Order of Knighthood. They might not even be knights. They do not hold any official place in the hierarchy of their religion, but may eventually be recognised as "warrior-saints" by their faiths. Salahadin and Sir William Marshal are perhaps the best historical examples of individuals who behave in a Paladin-like manner.

Do You Want To Know More?

Click the link for a good grounding in recent events.